hookers.

last night, i dreamt that i had inherited a substantial amount of money and decided to take an open-ended road trip to wherever the wind took me, for as long as i felt like. i took this trip completely alone. somewhere in the middle of my trip, i was in texas, at a motel 6. this woman started talking to me, while i was hanging out in the lobby. she was, to put it politely, not so modestly dressed and definitely high on something. about halfway through our conversation, it became apparent to me that this woman was a hooker. she kept making unnecessary sexual jokes and she kept calling me 'sexy.' i felt bad for her. she was very pretty, too pretty to be a hooker, as in this woman could probably find a sugar daddy if she wanted. and i wondered what horrible string of events brought her to this point. whether it was something that happened when she was a kid or drug addiction or whatever.

i stopped her in the middle of a sentence,

"can i just give you a hug?"
"huh?"
"i just want to give you a hug."
"oh... um, ok."

... and i gave her a good old fashioned bear hug. she began to sob and i held her. it was a very beautiful moment. "thanks, i really needed that," she said. "you're welcome," i replied. after that, we went to my room and had a REAL conversaion; and it wasnt about how sexy i was, it was about our hopes and our fears and music and art and the tv shows we used to watch when we were kids and cute things my dog does and how much she misses her older brother.

i would like to have an encounter like this in real life, with a real life hooker i think. so if you know any prostitutes that need a hug, send them my way.

this is the most beautiful thing i have seen and heard, this year.

a dilemma.

WHAT I THINK OF ME:
i am a pussy
i am a fuck up
i am not good at doing anything except playing music
i am good at music, but not great
i dont deserve true happiness

WHAT GOD THINKS OF ME
i am the bees knees


how do i bridge this gap?

RUN, RUNNER! part 2

well, i think i would have preferred the recurring dream over this one... "THIS IS A WARNING," the creature said. i awoke, not scared, but definitely alert, with the sinking and slightly depressing feeling one gets when they feel that something bad is about to happen to them. i wondered what it could be. maybe it was just my imagination. sometimes dreams mean nothing, right? i hope so, cause some of the dreams ive had in my day... i would be one strange fellow.

don't trust my smile my teeth are like knives.

"put this aside," i thought to myself, because i have better things to do than to worry about things that may or may not mean something.

too much time and effort spent on just another bridge.

i am 45 minutes late to work and my boss barely beats an eyelash. 2 days prior, he was ready to fire me. "its cool man. i still know youre the man." is this motherfucker bipolar!? whatever. in come the vultures and its spag meatball spag hot sausage spag meatball half spag spag meatball spag reorders for everyone. table 8 has a group of 10 sorority girls and a guy is hoping to get laid by picking up the ladies' check. he leaves a $70 tip.

i throw him a very subtle look of disgust (quite impressive if i dont say so myself), but i honestly hope it works out for him in the end. you have to give everyone at least a little respect for putting time and effort into anything.

when in rome, we shall do as the romans. when in hell, we do shots at the bar.

RUN, RUNNER! part 1

he woke up to his dogs growl that was more desperate than mean. the dog had to pee. that dog is the least mean thing on the planet. the only things he hurts are things that he is only trying to play with. the dream had repeated itself for the third night in a row. he strangely enjoyed the dream very much and it left him nervous and unsure, the way he felt around pretty girls in high school.

he sat up in bed, wondering what it all meant. did this dream call into question their relationship or was it just one of those things? when you love someone, a little piece of you stays with that person, no matter what happens later. no matter if it ends well, bad, horrible, violent, you move on, get married, have kids, grandkids, whatever. you could forget about that person completely, then see them 45 years later in a nursing home and those feelings will probably be there still; the memories brooding in the back of your head, faintly embedded in your heart like an old tattoo.

the dog seemed to sense the uneasiness within his best friend and gave him exactly 54 licks on his hand. it was odd that he found the dream so beautiful because to do something like that is not beautiful in any way except for in the American Beauty-esque, "this plastic bag is beautiful" sense of the word. so many questions, 0 answers. he was happy to have slept at all. but now his insomnia is fucking with his dreams. how ironic.

no matter. on with the day.

stress induced insomnia

2:54am. im up restless, in bed and on the computer even though the doctor said to use my bed only to sleep in; that this would help the insomnia. she i at my right, asleep like a rock. love is a strange thing. i am so pissed at her. being accused of of something you didnt actually do is one of the most infuriating things ever. chris rock said if youve never thought of where you would hide the body, youve never been in love.

"how do i look?"
"good"
"no... be honest!"
"ok. honestly, i hate that skirt."
"(sigh) i didnt ask how my skirt looked. how do i look?"
"oh... well, you look great. i just dont like the skirt."
"ugh, nevermind."

im wondering what the point of putting your music library on shuffle is if youre just going to skip to the song you actually want to hear. all she wants to hear is t-boz and meridith brooks and antigone rising; all i want to hear is karl schubach of misery signals scream in my ear, "face yourself... coward."

3:23am:

burrito voting

some chick approached me in a chipotle today. she asked me if i was registered to vote. i said no. she presented all the papers to me, and i registered right there, burrito in hand.

i cant figure out if this is a good or bad thing.

what do you think?

peace.

britney spears in: Crossroads

tomorrow i will have a choice to either forgive or to hate; to seek gods will or my own. im hoping i make the right decision.

"bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
-gil jones

fuck a philly cheese steak.

it seems like really big things in my life always happen in some kind of a tornado of sorts. in the past week and a half: i learned that the venue i book / church i attend is being taken over by a chain restaurant; i learned that the house i live in is being foreclosed and we have 2 weeks to move out; and i learned that my band is to play the biggest show of our careers in june.

3 huge things at once. ive been more sad, excited, and stressed than ive been in a very very long time. its sad that a revolutionary community and entire music scene is being stripped in order to make room for a fucking Taste Of Philly. you can get a god damn philly cheese steak anywhere. and why in the hell didnt our land lord tell us anything about what the fuck was going on?! asshole. and then theres the warped tour. while we are shitting ourselves to play, we havent had a permanent bass player in 4 months. the sub weve been using has a 1 year old and weve been training an unofficial member. while this kid is good, he is SUCH a slow learner. i honestly dont know if we will be ready in time. we may have to cut some songs and play some easy covers.

2 days ago, i was driving and came across a BEAUTIFUL homeless woman (the kind you look at and think, "why are you homeless? you could get a sugar daddy so fucking easily!"), holding a sign that simply said, "POSITIVE THOUGHTS."

yesterday i was reading the bible and came across this:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-jeremiah 29:11

two beautiful reminders that the lord has his hand in all of these situations and no matter what happens to me, he will never give me anything i cant handle.

may you learn the same thing, friend.

peace.

the night is darkest before the dawn...

someone once said, "the night is darkest before the dawn... and the dawn is coming." whoever that person was, knew a thing or two about the lord. i have been in a kickass band called what about pluto? for 2 years.

for 2 years we have been played our hearts out night after night for almost no one.
for 2 years we have prayed for one another and asked god for direction.
for 2 years we have bugged the shit out of other bands, asking for an opening slot.
for 2 years we have spent coutless hours adding people on myspace.

we have spent hours in the practice room, working on the mundane details, trying to get a perfect 30 minutes; teaching new members our songs; we have thrown our pride away and BEGGED promoters to "just give us one shot," only to get the run-around.

for 2 years we have struggled tooth and nail to stay afloat in this jungle of a music scene.

i have to be honest. in the past few weeks ive been asking god whether ot not i should leave what about pluto?, because if i want to do this full time and this shit just isnt going anywhere, whats the damn point? yesterday i got my answer when we were confirmed to play the pheonix, az vans warped tour kevin says stage on june 23rd.

we will be playing with some of our favorite bands including: anberlin, angels and airwaves, between the trees, the color fred, every time i die, family force 5, forever the sickest kids, and maylene & the sons of disaster... as well as some of the biggest bands out, such as: the all american rejects, cobra starship, gym class heroes, and the academy is...

i am losing my shit. to be honest i have no idea what to think of it. im am obviously excited and in a bit of shock. we have a lot of work to do, i know that.

peace.

my church's fate is in the hands of a total douche.

for those of you that dont know, the crew presents has been putting a lot of work into the beetle (building a stage and tearing out walls and buying speakers and moving lights and many other things), trying to make it into a legit venue. we want to tear out another wall and build a bar in order to sell concessions and alcohol so the beetle will be of more interest to college students.

unfortunately, the landlord is a total. fucking. asshole... homeboy has a bunch of properties that are fucked big time, and guess what? the beetle is the only building he owns with any worth. so he is trying to sell it for hundreds of thousands of dollars more than its worth in order to put that money into the other shit he owns that is in trouble. this dude WILL NOT FIX THE DAMNED LEAKING ROOF. every time it snows or rains its like water world in that fucker. we have to take out trash can lids and pans and all sorts of ridiculous shit. he would not replace the fucked up doorknob which has led to many thefts of sound equipment leading us to do it ourselves. homeboy doesnt pay his trash bill. he fought this stage building thing kicking and screaming. he doesnt realize that the building is only worth something because of ely and myself and atlas.

oh yeah, and our lease is month to month, so he can kick us out any time he feels like it.

oh yeah, and he just raised the rent $400.

this is a church that averages around 70 people per sunday. out of those 70, how many of those people do you think tithes? out of that small percentage, how much money do you think they can give? this is a church of teachers, artists, students, and hippies.

peace.

extreme homeless challenge 2008!

ive been thinking lately about how many of us do things to help the homeless, yet could never understand anything about what they go through. many of of us will volunteer at a homeless shelter, which (dont get me wrong) is a good thing, and then go home to our air conditioning and tv and warm bed and cupboard full of food. how much can we take from this experience? at the hookah bar the other day, we were talking about whether or not we think good acts are actually good if the person is acting out of selfishness. my friend jeff, wondered aloud if it is a good act at all if only one party benefits. in other words if i perform a good deed and dont walk away changed, its almost useless.

here is what im getting at: i want to help the homeless, but i want to understand what they go through first. so i am proposing a sort of challenge to myself and my friends. for 10 days we will live like the homeless do; we will not shower, brush our teeth or style our hair. we will spend $5 or less per day. we will sleep outside on the ground. we will not watch tv. we will walk or take the bus as much as possible.

we will record our thoughts and share our experiences and what weve learned. then we will come up with a way to help the homeless.

peace.

change if you want, but dont you go and change for me.

i am so content with my life its scary.

i have a job where i bust my ass and come home exhausted, yet i really really enjoy.

i am in a relationship with a wonderful girl and we grow and cry and experience beauty and learn about what love is together.

everywhere i go, i see god.

i, along with others, AM starting a revolution.

i am voting for obama.

the people at my church are the most loving and wonderful and brilliant people on earth.

my friend ryan schick recently said that i live the most simple life hes ever seen. he meant it to be a bad thing, but i think it was the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me.

what about pluto? is only $110 in the hole, and we are recording a new EP this summer.

my "partner" and i have just finished building a brand new stage for the beetle and will be turning into a full blown venue with a bar, this summer.

i feel like in the past year or so, i think i have focused too much on how i should live; jesus said this and this and this and therefore i should live this way. these ideas are good and these ideas are bad so i will live this way. i am starting to focus more on the characteristics of god and his perfect love and absolute faithfulness and what a total failure i have been to him, time and time again, and how he loves me anyway.

stuff i have listened to lately that is close to my heart:
the morning of
bradley hathaway
aaron strumpel
karla adolphe
the sound of animals fighting
the white stripes
justin timberlake

peace.

the police

this world is a blur...

i am sitting in the hookah lounge, with my voluptuous redheaded jewish firiend stephanie and we are smoking some kind of tropical blend of shisha but really all i can think of is last night, when i dreamt she tried to seduce me. i suppose its nice to know that i am faithful to sam even in my dreams.

(i am only able to write this as she has stepped out for a second) stephanie is a very sweet, very eccentric girl who is honest and beautiful and values the people around her. it is so weird that i can see so much jesus in so many people that dont necessarily believe in him, but perhaps this is what god intended.

im listening to the album, "dressed up and in line," by copeland. this is possibly the best B sides record ive heard. most B side records are a ploy by the artists record label to make some extra cash while doing little to no work (just compile the songs, figure out some artwork, and press the damn thing). this may be the case with copeland, but i frankly dont care. when listening to this album, one thing resonates in my mind: this band knows how to play some motherfucking cover songs. perhaps the highlight of the album is the slow and haunting cover of, "every breath you take," by the police. this band has a way of making songs ambient and beautiful yet heavy and destructive at the same time, something few bands can really pull off. also, if you had any doubts about aaron marsh's songwriting prowess, let the acoustic versions of "careful now," "no one really wins," and "you love to sing" be the deciding factor.

my friend zef and his fiance were in a horrible car accident a few days ago. the car rolled 6 or 7 times and landed 1/4 of a mile from the actual wreck. the guy that hit them was drunk and without a license or insurance (fucked). its strange. they walked away with only a few scratches from the broken glass. is this a miracle or a coincidence?

as i have thought about this car wreck, it has become very apparent to me, the idea of restoration coming from destruction or even destruction being a form of restoration. the ruins of a forest fire can eventually fertilize a healthier and stronger forest; a man kills an animal for food; we cut down trees to build our homes.

peace.

nice neat flaming little shit.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed — not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence — continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."
phillipians 2:12-13

i believe that god created me to play music. unfortunately, the society we live in doesnt share that belief. our society would like me to do something that would make me money. and why wouldnt society want that for me? money is the one proven thing that can give you all the things you want. i suppose my problem is that i dont have many wants. i am just too focused on my needs. what i really need is to be me.

when i am on stage, im not "eric the christian" or "eric the sales associate" or even "eric the musician." when i put sticks to heads, i become "eric, the child of god." and this eric doesnt need money or fame or power or security or social status or sexiness. this eric is honest, he loves and respects all living things, he wants to serve all people, he wants to contribute to his community. this is the person i wish i were all of the time.

i dont think that someone who would give up his or her passion for a nice neat life full of money and security and predictability is in any way a real person. i think that kind of person is pathetic and spineless. this kind of person is afraid, not of failure, but of success. fuck those people. i would rather die than be one of them.

why is it that when shane claiborne lives a life of forced poverty dedicated to helping and loving others, he is criticized by christians? i think its because they are worried he might fuck up their nice neat flaming little shit. pisses me off.

peace.

the white stripes

it took me forever to warm up to this band, because, lets face it, meg white is a shitty drummer. ive always admired jack white because his songwriting is a stroke of genius, but the fact that he would let meg white play with him always confused me.

after a few years, i realized that the reason meg white plays the way she does, the reason there is only two of them, the way jack white plays guitar, all that weird shit about the band... its a statement about the current state of music. and once i understood that, the white stripes became one of my favorite bands of all time.

in 20 years my generation will be talking about this band the way our parents talk about the beatles or the rolling stones or stevie wonder.

watch out for these bands in 2008...

search the city [tooth and nail]

sky eats airplane [equal vision]

anathallo [sony artist friendship]

the morning of [tragic hero]

forever the sickest kids [universal]

tickle me pink [wind-up]

on former members of what about pluto?.

so josh was adding people for what about pluto? on myspace and came across a denver band called for love of ivy. he just happened to look at their members section. guess what? "bass guitar: jordan bever." no way. cant be. he checks their pictures. march 8th, opening up for tickle me pink at a sold out show at the aggie, theres jordan, rocking his fucking head off. well we have to give him the benefit of a doubt. so we message the band,

"hey guys. is jordan a permanent member of your band or is he just filling in?"
"he is a permanent member."

apparently, this is why jordan has been so hard to get a hold of. the last time i talked to him on the phone, i asked him if he wanted to still be in the band. he said yes. i told him i would save him a room in the new house me and ely are living in. "sounds good," he said. what the fuck? if he didnt want to play in the band, all he had to do was say so. nobody would have been mad because we are friends (or so we thought). i have to be honest. i am more than a little bit pissed.

peace.

birthday wish list (march 26th)

guitar center gift cards.... lots of them. i need cymbals, badly. i cant buy the cheap kind because the cheap kind sound like shit. a set of cymbals will cost around $800 and thats if i can get a really good deal.

new rollerblade wheels. spring is coming and im going to start doing it again. i wore my wheels out last summer.

some cool slip on shoes (size 11 1/2).

an evans compact flip drumkey. it fits onto your keychain perfectly and i keep losing drumkeys.

"tenacious d: the complete masterworks" on dvd.

a random shirt from randomshirts.com.

a wireless mouse for my laptop.

my so-called life: the complete series on dvd.

my own theme music.

my goodness...

well after a good four years on xanga, ive finally decided to switch to this one. im excited.